Currently Listening To: “Nothing Else Matters,” by Apocalyptica (original score by Metallica)
Journal Entry: May 30th, 2010
The day was so good, but the night brings me contemplations which I may have been better left without. Some thoughts, no matter the distance, no matter the time, have an amazing way of haunting the mind. (Do they not?) I thought myself numb, and yet these feelings and emotions would have me reconsider. The past rushes to greet me like some lost long friend, while the future torments me with unknown and uncertainty; ever waiting for me to make decisions I’m reluctant to decide. This reminds me of a quote, that went something like: “better to have acted upon a choice, rather to make none at all.” The meaning is there; even if you make a bad choice, it’s ok. It would have been far worse to have made no choice at all. So, knowing this, how do I manage to endure keeping myself chained? I am in dead stagnant waters that are threatening my future, and as tiresomely as I try to awake from the horrible nightmare, somehow, someway, it always seems to drag me back down into its depths of misery and self-loathing. It all seems so trivial and pathetic, and yet here I am the one enduring it. Talk about running around in circles. (heh) I have run out of excuses.
If you haven’t had the opportunity to listen to the song (see above) I’m currently listening to, I highly suggest you take a moment to do so. A blissful remake of a classic Metallica song. I find it so beautiful, breath-taking, and emotionally inspiring that, I’m convinced, left me a poorer soul before discovering it. It relays my current mood in such ways that words cannot. In fact, if words could be jealous, then they would be, for this piece is just that damn impactful and heartily felt. Perhaps there is a message there, that no matter the length of past, present, or future to which I endure to make sense of….ultimately, nothing else matters, as in the present moment.
Enough. I’ve no desire to share more. It’s all just too painful and frustrating, and I want a vacation from all of this. *sighs* G’eve.
Ladies, I’m sharing this tidbit because it is sound advice. Read it. Don’t look past it. Apply it.
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The Difference Between A Woman And a Girl
Author: Unknown
Girls want to control the man in their life.
A woman knows that if he’s truly hers, he doesn’t need controlling.
Girls check you for not calling them.
A woman is too busy to realize you hadn’t.
Girls are afraid to be alone.
A woman revels in it, using it as a time for personal growth.
Girls ignore the good guys.
A woman ignores the bad guys.
Girls make you come home.
A woman makes you want to come home.
Girls leave their schedules wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
A woman makes her own plans and nicely tells the guy to get in where he fits.
Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
A woman knows that she is pretty and/or good enough for any man.
Girls try to monopolize all their man’s time (i.e., don’t want him hanging with his friends).
A woman realizes that a lil’ bit of space makes the ‘together time’ even more special, and goes to kick it with her own friends.
Girls think a guy crying is weak.
A woman offers her shoulder and a tissue.
Girls want to be spoiled and ‘tell’ their man so.
A woman ‘shows’ him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his ‘manhood’.
Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all ‘signs’.
A woman knows that sometimes the one you love doesn’t always love you back and moves on, without bitterness.
Girls will read this and get an attitude.
A WOMAN will read this and pass it on to other MATURE WOMEN and her intelligent male friends.
What is my romantic torment?
It is the wine that has lost its flavor. It is the food that nourishes me not. It is the feeling of being completely and utterly alone even amidst a crowd of companions. It is each dull and lifeless day that passes, uneventful and unchanged, without her – my true and only. It is laying in bed half awake and half asleep while tossing and turning, and when sleep comes I’m plagued with nightmares of how unprotected and vulnerable she feels without me. I yearn to be at her side as a moth is drawn to a flame. My soul is as parched as a desert, and only she will quench my insatiable thirst.
Till then, my arms remain empty. I am the protector of no one. I am a soul mate to no one. I am but a shadow awaiting light. All of this and more is my romantic torment. And it is worth enduring, and so I do, for the day I find her.
~ Romantic Torment, 2008
© 2008 by G.C.M. (aka Romantic Torment)
We all have our romantic torments. Whether in lust or love, we have tasted from the fruit of carnal desire and have been intoxicated with dreams of hopeful promises. Were they? ~ Romantic Torment, August 2008
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