Romantic Torment

The Prefect Lie
Author: G.C.M. (aka Romantic Torment)
11/22/08

It’s just the same, as it was before
my mind slips into another conundrum
and it’s getting harder and harder to breath.

I can’t seem to help it anymore,
I can’t seem to control myself.
These demented thoughts rape my will to live.

Progression abounds around me,
and yet I remain stagnant in murky waters.
Everything changes but the soul.

And, now here I am (again); left to wonder
if it would be better to surrender.
I need a fucking reason to hold on.

What’s right. What’s wrong.
I lose either way I fall.
These moral dilemmas are tearing me apart.

Everything I ever truly wanted
was always just outside my reach.
Everything I ever truly loathed,
was always lying next to me.

I stumble. I fall.
I scream in fits of rage.
I claw. I bleed.
I cry in silent agony.

Solace always seems so enigmatic,
salvation a dying man’s wishful dream.
Tragedy abounds the broken hearted,
while no one is as they seem.

Masquerading a picture perfect world,
we scorn those that object our filthy lies.
Yet, we’re the ones truly disgusting inside.

And for all these reasons,
and for all those unsaid.
I ponder what’s the worth of living,
if we’re already dead.

What more needs to be heard,
with such a profound realization?
What more needs to be seen,
to acknowledge the truth of a statement?
What more needs to be felt,
to convey our tragedies and broken miseries?

“Abashed, the devil he stood,
and felt how awful goodness felt.”
And now I know why;
it hurts to trust in the perfect lie.

© 2008 by G.C.M. (aka RomanticTorment)

Final Version: Undecided
Edited: No | Original Copy: Yes

Broken fragments of my broken dreams
lie scattered across the floor
I’m forced to walk barefoot across.
Yet, I’m numb to the obvious pain.

I remain caught in the undertow
of idolizing my failures
with such precision and fascination
that even a masochist would avoid; yet adore.

They cut into the heart of me,
and tears are a luxury expense
I can no longer afford.
These wounds just won’t seem to heal.

I’ve been alone all this time.
I’ve pushed everyone away.
I’ve created this madness.
Yet, I cannot seem to end this sadistic “game.”

And now I’m face to face with my nightmares,
and my fears have polluted my soul beyond repair.
Tired and languished,
yet lingering on without a care.

Heaven’s a daydream,
hell is a lie.
There is only the purgatory
we ourselves create.

But I’ve lost my key,
and trapped inside am I.
Suffering the torment,
that I alone devised.

Devil’s dance and angel’s cry,
over the cost of my selfish pride.
All my devotion betrayed,
my innocence long since dead;
I’m left hollow inside.

Demented in this passionless torment.
Walls remain fortified.
All access denied.
Self inflicted justice prevails.
Defied and abused, love remains a sin.

All my broken dreams
come back to haunt me.

I am forced to face
the reality of who I am inside.

And I hate what I have become,
but I cannot undo the past.

It molded me into this beast,
and I cannot apologize for that.

The Fates weave their tangled webs,
and lay our paths entwined.

So, forgive me beautiful if I do not cry
For all tears are spent and I’m resolved.

And, forgive me beautiful if I do not amend
for the error of my ways speak the part.

I’m simply a product of produced reality,
harsh environment and little choice had I.

I cannot erase the bitter memories,
I cannot unbind my rage.

All I see is madness,
all I see is a morbid masquerade.

So, I bid adieu to you sweet lady,
with delicious givings more blissful then Heaven.

Yes, ’tis best I leave you now,
and take my dark thoughts far away.

Afterall, I could not bare to witness you letting go of me,
whose sparkling eyes will surely dull with my impending absence.

So, Goodbye my sweet sweet nightingale!
Goodbye my sweet blissful bodily heaven!

Carry on! Carry on!
Cry not! Cry not!

**********************

Be damned I might as well be,
to never see the worth of me she sees.

Knowing that I could never truly have her.
I weep. I weep.

Walking away into darkness I do,
to wherever the Fates aspire me anew.

And hello once more do I bid,
to my romantic torment I had foolishly thought fled.