Romantic Torment

Revised/Edited: No
Final Version: Undecided

The past is what I’m living today,
wondering about tomorrow’s yesterday,
which makes that present time,
the only moment thought divine.
But taken for granted
by a mind that cannot ignore
the painful inflictions of the past occurred.
So why bother living today,
when my mind is stuck on yesterdays?
I’ve broken down inside,
there’s nothing left to find.
All emotion drained from me,
I’m numb in a world casted in shades of gray.
Why can’t these hurtful memories that make me up,
just fade away
And that which I am be remade,
restructured only by what is today.
A redesign in a flawed model,
to better tomorrows self.

Edited/Revised: No

I woke up today,
and took a look in the mirror,
An image quiet not myself,
stared quietly back at me vindictively.

My eyes reflected all the pain inside,
and forced me to see myself.
I swore to myself I’d always be in control,
yet now everything is anything but.

I’m numb to the world around me.
I feel like there’s nothing left to do.
Something has been removed from me,
misplaced and lost somewhere in the past.

I cannot find a place to belong.
Denied myself, denounced myself.
It’s hard to fit in,
when I can’t even feel comfortable in my own skin.

Stuck on yestuday,
no progress made today on tomorrows self
And all I can do is let go,
and drown the truth in ignorance.

It doesn’t make sense,
but then again nothing ever did.
That’s the tragic shame of a mind
that complexes everything.

I try to find something to hold on to,
anything to keep me from losing more of myself,
but there’s nothing holding me back,
and I’m frightened by the fact I’m ready to just let go.

Fade back into myself,
deny the world around me.
It’s easier to feel nothing,
than deal with these ramped emotions.

I step away from the mirror,
random thoughts erased.
“Control” has been reestablished,
and I’m lost again to the ignorance that blinds me from within.

Edited/Revised: No

The night has settled,
and we’re laying our heads to rest.
We exchange blissful kisses,
and snuggle close to sleep side by side.

Sometime later a nightmare wakes me from my sleep,
another vision of losing you leaves me feeling incomplete.
My heart races with fear,and my soul cries out in protest
over the unimaginable thought.

What am I to do?
I love you, and I’m already afraid of losing you.
You’ve broken down the walls inside,
and I’ve never been so vulerable.

I move a lock of your hair from your tranquil face,
and admire how heavely you look against the moonlight.
Laying my head back down,
I unwillingly enter back into sleep and dreams.

Another nightmare shatters my comfort of being next to you,
and I sit up straight, griped by fear, and gasping for air.
There’s morning light outside,
but its’ warmth is a mockery to how I feel inside.

This time it was you and another man – my friend.
You two kissed and hands moved acrossed each other’s flesh.
Your head tilted back in ecstasy, and moans I could softly hear.
Your eyes were empty of emotion save for look of disdain and discord you gave me
(as if I forced you into this).

Oh the rage, the fury,
and worse yet the pain.
I close my eyes again and again,
but the images play on inside my head.

My soul has never felt a greater agony,
my heart has never felt a greater misery,
and all I can do is fall back into myself,
and try to will away the Love of you I cannot ignore.

You wanted me to see this.
You wanted me to feel this. Oh God why?!
Has my fear of Love become so great
that this very fear is undermining us?

I cannot bare another thought, but the dream replays again and again.
My best attempts to forget it all are done so in vain.
Torture for this soul and heart of mine I had long thought dead,
yet is beating strong with the life you’ve breathed back in.

The sun shines through a crack in the curtains
illuminating you in all your intoxicating splendor.
A piece of Heaven molded into body,
lying so contently beside me.

Silent tears fall as I continue to marvel over your sleeping form.
I’m trembling from these thoughts plaguing me.
God, how I wish you’d wake from your sleep now,
and whisper to me everything is going to be okay,
or simply just hold me in your arms.

I lied. I’m not as strong as I proclaimed to be m’dear.
How can you accept this and be satisfied?
Your Love must be misplaced. Perhaps passion has blinded you.
I should cut the bound that holds us so you can be free of all this.

But I cannot play the martyr here!
It’s only been mere moments since I left your side,
and already I long to hold you close again.
To feel your silk soft lips press up against my own,
and the tender caress of your hands that melts away all this darkness!

You stir from your rest,
perhaps your soul heard my own soul’s protest.
You lie awake just long enough to offer a smile
that could melt the coldest of hearts,
before your hand clasps my own and you fall back into your dreams.

I never thought I’d feel like this again.
I’m falling fast and I’m terrified.
All that is of me are the fragments that made up yesterday.
I deny myself and in this I’m still denying you.

Save me from the nothing I’ve become.
I’m frozen inside without your touch.
Bound in chains by these frozen emotions
that have turned my heart numb.

And yet this pain is just to real,
there is just too much that time cannot erase.
Bring me to life my darling, my Light.
Don’t let me live to die like this.

~ Inspired By & Dedicated To: Jessica I.