During a phone conversation with an old high school friend (years ago now; heh), it dipped in and out of the general talk, and then a good deal of it focused in on personal relationships. Now, as I was attempting to decipher why her male companion was acting the way he was (she recently told him she loved him), I couldn’t help but compare it to my own situation. And that’s when it happened: an epiphany!
I started thinking bigger. I began to think broader (not just about her situation or mine). I started thinking why so many of us have defenses up - especially as we get older. It suddenly occurred to me that perhaps, as we get older, we’ve been conditioned from our past to not be so quick to jump into a relationship. We’ve been hurt. We’ve been scared. We’ve had our heart broken into pieces, left alone, and forced to pick up what pieces remain and glue them back together again. We make promises to ourself to never let it happen again.
Now, once we’ve created this nice defensive position and we’re all trenched in - why leave this blanket of protection and “comfort?” But then fate throws us a curve ball, and we meet someone. The next thing we know it’s six months (7 months, a year, etc) later and they utter the words: “I love you.”
ERRRRRRRRRR…. *tire scretching noise* WHAT?! Alarms go off. Sirens whistle. MAN THE WALLS!
Perhaps a bit dramatic, but you get the point. This opens up a new door, and a floor of questions rush in. “Do I say it back?” “How do I REALLY feel about THIS person?” “Can we really go alllllllll the way onto marriage?!” The questions are practically endless, and suddenly they find themselves in a quandary. Perhaps they want to reply, they want to answer your questions about the future, but they haven’t reached that next step. Up until now, that partner was just perfectly content on the road of happiness you were riding, and hadn’t reached that “pit stop.” The moment of clarity you had one morning, afternoon, or night that told you that you were in love hadn’t dawned on them yet. But, with three words you just laid it out - right in front of them - and now they can’t help but to dwell in on it.
When you utter these words to your partner, and they get skittish, leery, or a bit weird - think about it. Maybe they’re just reacting that way because years ago they put their heart out on the line (perhaps multiple times), and in the end got hurt. So, rather then being quick to jump into it, they practice caution. They ask for some space, or time to think things out. They ponder this and that, and perhaps whether or not they’re seeing the real you, or a future “togetherness” in the picture. After all, most of us act quite different in the first 4-6 months of a relationship, before we relax enough with a partner and start letting our real character traits “shine” through. When the real you begins to emerge. Now, for some this happens faster or slower than for others. For them, seeing the real you and finding themselves in you and with you, might take 6 months to a year, or even longer, before they can start lowering down those defenses and feel comfortable enough to derive to those three beautiful words you found: “I love you!”
And so, that was my epiphany. That, all this is taking place and happening consciously or subconsciously - to ourselves and with others. But, with a little time, patience, and faith; perhaps there exists a happy ending for both hearts at stake. One thing is for certain: young love is priceless as it is heartbreaking, but if we can overcome the pain, disappointment, and bitterness over the loss of what can never be, then perhaps just maybe - just maybe - we too can love and be loved again in what can be.
Goodnight.
Eternally,
Romantic Torment
~~~{~~{~{@
(Not edited. I’ll review this later and reword it if some parts are jumbled. Late and tired. Hope this makes sense and you enjoy!)
