Romantic Torment

Artist: 3 Doors Down
Song: Changes

I’m not supposed to be scared of anything, but I don’t know where I am
I wish that I could move but I’m exhausted and nobody understands (how I feel)
I’m trying hard to breathe now but there’s no air in my lungs
There’s no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb

I try to hold this Under control
They can’t help me ‘Cause no one knows

Now I’m going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I’m going through changes, changes

I’m feeling weak and weary walking through this world alone
Everything you say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone
I’ve got something to say, but now I’ve got no where to turn
It feel like I’ve been buried underneath all the weight of the world

I try to hold this Under control
They can’t help me ‘Cause no one knows

Now I’m going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I’m going through changes, changes

I’m blind and shakin’
Bound and breaking
I hope I make it through all these changes

Now I’m going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I’m falling apart, now I feel it

Now I’m going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, I hate this
But I’m going through changes, changes

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Shifting through music I came across the song above and sat back impressed over the lyrics that basically lay out how I’m feeling right now. In the last few months I’ve put a lot of emphasis on exercising/working-out,eating better, and taking steps to have a healthier lifestyle. Subconsciously, I’ve ignored a lot of friends in this under-taking journey, and I can only image how they must feel over my inconsistency to see them more often. However, when you think about it, a true friend never asks: ” where the hell have you been?”, or, “why haven’t you called ass hole?” Instead, a true friend asks: “how have you been?! Good to see you!” I rest my case on that one.

Anyhow, I’m going through other changes as well. It’s been over a year now since the end of my two year relationship with my ex-girlfriend, and I’m left wondering how much longer I’ll endure the bachelor life. Sure, it has its perks (most of them empty or boring anymore in my case), but I’m getting seriously tired of the one night, one week, a few months, or whatever bullshit. I never use to be like that, and I don’t see why I should go becoming a whore now. Yet, it’s ever difficult to accept the fact that you’re sleeping in a cold bed alone again when you know it can be warm - even for a night. It’s like that country song by Randy Travis, “Spirit Of A Boy, Or The Wisdom Of A Man.” You have a choice.

However, I was perfectly fine with being a bachelor, having fun, and enjoying the youth of my years while I have them to savour. I love to show a woman affection. I’m learning most aren’t worth giving it to because they don’t appreciate the generosity of that gift. Ohhh, sure, they do for a little while. But, after awhile, it’s as if they get bored with you and suddenly you’re shit. You’ve become yesterdays news to them. And some women have the nerve to preach about how bad and shallow some men can be - goes both ways bitch.

Yet, thinking back over the women I’ve been with in the many months since my two-year relationship ended (mutually by the way)…I’ve liked some of them a lot, and others were better off as “just friends.” Lucky me (sarcastic here) the ones I REALLY liked slapped a “just friends” label on me, and here I am still shit out of luck. Ohhh the irony. Whatever.

Right now, I’m not after love. I’m not after someone that’ll be my girlfriend tomorrow. Just want to take it slow. I am after a friend that can be a lover, not a lover that can be a friend. *sigh* For now it’s another lonely night and I’d say more but some things are best left unsaid (for now) and I’m tired of writing what sounds like some boo-hoo bullshit. That’s not what’s intended here.

Revised/Edited: Yes
Final Version: Undetermined

I take pictures of you with my cell phone,
and we laugh and pick at each other over which ones to keep.
If you had only realized how beautiful you were in my eyes.
I would have kept every picture. I would have held on to every moment.
I would have never let you go; your protector, your lover - always.

But you threw it all away.
You just couldn’t forgive my one simple mistake in judgment.
And everything we wove and constructed,
was ruined and destroyed over night.

You never understood. You heard my words but didn’t listen.
I was scared. I was confused.
I saw a future with you without end,
but you ignored it all. You stepped away……

But the reflection is so clear,
however the reality is that you’re not here.
And I’m drowning in my self misery,
over the loss of you - I want no one else.

Your smile is forever burnt upon my mind,
and I could never forget your sparkling eyes.
You haunt me both day and night,
and I am incomplete without you.

How did this happen? Why did I let you in?
I should have read the signs, but love is blissfully blind.
How sweet to feel complete and whole,
how bitter to be left broken and alone.

How quickly you vanished from my hands,
how fast you faded from my life.
Over one mis-step. One mistake.
How the bitterness of your resolve speaks the volume of your truth.
I should have known you were too good to be true.

Uncommunicable thoughts - a fury within,
a fire of rage burning where love no longer resides.
The emptiness leaves me emotionless,
and I want so bad to fucking cry but the tears refuse to fall.

I’m a fool for thinking you could love me.
I’m a fool for thinking you could let me love you.
Never again! Never again! Never…again.