Romantic Torment

Edited/Revised: No
Final Version: Undecided

how long have i been asleep?
I don’t know…I can’t remember.
All I have before me are shattered dreams,
and a broken heart.

Something went terribly wrong in the design.
It wasn’t suppose to be this way.
I was suppose to have the house with the two car garage
and white picked fence, with children laughing and a dog barking.

I’ve never been farther away from that classic American dream as I am now.
My mind plays tricks on me. Thoughts. Dark thoughts… polluting the purity that once drove me true.
I am plagued by demons of my own creation,
and with every breath I take I’m haunted with memories I’d soon rather forget.

Have I gone mad? Where did I fall off the train?
I have always been rebellious, but when is enough …ENOUGH?
My mother had addictions. Drugs. Alcohol.
Depression, no…fear….drove her to an early grave.
Is this a lesson I’m seeing but not heeding?
Will my addictions be my undoing,
and drop my body into an untimely death?

Who’s to say you have to live to be a hundred in order to share in their wisdom
or transcended way of thinking?
I believe it’s what you take from each experience that life fabricates into your existence
that molds you to a grander image of self.
Some never achieve that. Some go through life so tragically blind, mute, and deaf
that its practically a waste of a human being.
So dead inside. So zombie like-minded. How can people live such a ignorant existence?
How can they just turn away from the reality of our world,
as if they have the power to just close their eyes and it all melts away.

Maybe they need to be woken up from their self induced sleep.
Then again maybe to be awake is to be me…we wouldn’t want that.
Definitely not. If I acted upon the thoughts my mind creates…
whatever hand that stills me from acting…I am eternally grateful for it.

All I know is ignorance isn’t bliss.
Look at our world to see the truth of that.
No, it’s only bliss in the right that it
locks out all that you don’t want to see and hear…
it brings down every fucking wall they’ve ever put up inside…
they’re made-up fantasies about the world would go up in flames,
and they would be standing naked before a world
most can’t even dare to endure anymore.

And society just shakes its ugly head as if it doesn’t understand.
Society don’t understand why murder and anarchy mobs are on the rise.
Society doesn’t understand why more and more people are doing drugs
(to escape this fuck-up of a world or the pain that broke their soul,
with no helping hand to guide it back to the Light)
Society doesn’t understand why all of us can’t live together in peace….

what a crock of shit….

but no one will do anything about it. Of course not.
Fear drives out the desire or ambition to fight the very system
that gives two shits about your life….as long as the rich stay rich
everything is right as rain in the world
the rich might as well be our nobles of old - kings, queens, lords, barons
we’ve replaced those titles with president, CEO, manager….and no ones the wiser .

Wake up people……wake ….up.

In regards to this topic about relationships, marriage, and commitment, I shall say but only this: We live in a society that is plagued by fear, depression, and many broken traditions. Unfortunately, the once high values set by people within their communities and cities has all but vanished from our time in this here and now. Marriage, at its root, lacks the value it once held in our society. Perhaps this is the price of freedom so many sought in the 80’s and well into the 90’s. Marriage can be a haven to retreat to for those that have a flourishing one, but for the majority their marriage(s) have been hell in the long run, and it is within this vast group of people that stems the idea now that marriage is a joke at best.

True love is hard to find in these times, and for those that can capture it - bless you. It’s a shame there are not more examples of successful marriages than failed. I image if such was the case more would have faith in such a committed affair.

Edited/Revised: No
Final Version: No

Burning bridges from the past
pouring over all the dreams that did not last.
I find myself mourning that which could not be,
and an a torrent of turmoil is all I have inside of me.

sadness lingers,
frustration stirs
anger boils,
resentment burns/settles,
questions forever to be unanswered
are all I have inside of me.

The rosebud of a dream
flourishes into the love of life,
only to wither away so quickly
into the waiting embrace of Death.
And a void of emotion is all I have inside of me.

“God’s will be done” we’re told,
as if it will sooth the pain.
When in reality it only fuels the flames,
the fabric of faith rips at its seams,
and an unwanted loneliness is all I have inside of me.

The purpose of being is lost upon the mists of doubt.
Sailing upon the wailing winds of misery
and the abusive tides of depression,
no destination to be set upon the sea of life.

an emotional turmoil over questions forever to be unanswered
creates a void of emotion and an unwanted loneliness
which sets a stagnant course upon the sea of life,
and “what ifs” on a past that haunts me is all I have left inside.

The dark ending to my beginning never looked so bright.