The World Falls Apart; Turmoil
Posted in Journal on November 22nd, 1999The world is falling apart around me. Everything I once held close or true in my eyes has fallen apart. I’m one thing this minute, another the next minute. My world is black, then light. Then just silent. Like the silent before a storm that will thrash it’s vengeance unlike anything before. Rage, chaos, and sorrow all flowing through my veins.
I’ve lost friends, I’ve lost the ones I’ve come to love. Sad thing too is some don’t even realize just how much I love them. How much I’m willing to die for them. How much I care for them, wish the best for them, and think upon them daily. No, some do not know. Perhaps never will. What angers me to this is not that fact though. No. It is the fact that at one time I had them within my hands. I had their attention. Their every breath which whispered my name. But just like the turning leaves in autumn…it was gone. And I have only myself to blame.
I wish for this, I hope for that. My life moves no where fast. Day in, day out….I continue to wait, continue to search. FOR WHAT!?!?!? These days are becoming heavy indeed. My soul split between the light, the dark, and then the darkness of dark. Fallen Angel one moment, a knight the next. I think I’m heading toward insanity. May I find it in my heart to forgive myself of things that can’t be changed again?
I’ve fucked up so bad. God, where did I go wrong….
